I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
