I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
