Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Randomize
