about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
