You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
