It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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