Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
