My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
