FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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