I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
