Pappa wants mamma naked
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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