I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
