out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
