pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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