So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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