Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
