I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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