I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
