Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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