We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
