My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Randomize
