You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize