well most of my day revolves around power hour
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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