my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
