I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
