come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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