do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
