he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
This is the high leading the old right now
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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