Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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