YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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