Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
