a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
