Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Found your dick twin last night
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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