Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Randomize
