Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
