What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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