dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
