The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
