I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
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