it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
