I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
