it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
