this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
