broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
