i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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