Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
