there's paper in my vomit.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
