my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
