she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
3 2 1 whiskey
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
