At least make sure they are 18
Why
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize