I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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