My room smells like vodka and shame
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Randomize
