theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
