We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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