Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
