So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
