I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
he shaved USA in his pubs
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
