you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
