Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
