If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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