what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
it's like heaven, but drunker
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
