508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
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