Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
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