you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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