holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
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