too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
