Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
