Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
The uberlube is also flammable
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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