I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
